dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
