i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
