You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
