tell your sister to shave her snatch
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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