just come out here and I will go home with you...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
