my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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