woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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