I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
