Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
