No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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