My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I need a beard to bite.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
