Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He shit in the fireplace
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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