The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
