He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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