I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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