I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize