dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
