I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize