Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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