Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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