I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
