Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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