I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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