I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
