Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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