dude i'm inner monologue high
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
