apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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