No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Oh god it's open bar.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
