We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
