He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I got inside last night via doggy door
Im part way to drunk.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
