Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
