Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
