WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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