i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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