I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
