I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
