If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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