My underwear smells like fireworks.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have already put on my inside pants.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
