Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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