So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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