I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
