Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
