We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
