You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
