Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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