jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
