if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
