hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
