So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
