can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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