I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
