Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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