So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize