her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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