Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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