I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
