the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
