goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
