margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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