I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
