So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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