i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
