careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
