what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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