I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
